Extra! Hear Jon's Stewart Oscar Jokes Here First!

Click on the dots next to the title, dears, and check out the LA Times outing what probably are going to be some of Stewart's jokes next Sunday. Why would they do that, beats me. What's worse, the jokes don't sound very promising, at least on paper. A bit between penguins and bears could be kind of an Uma/Oprah moment... ugh.
In any case, I searched for headlines today that would deserve a post and I couldn't find anything. For your information there are more dead in Iraq, Venezuela is limiting American airliners from flying there but that we had to learn from our British pals in the BBC because apparently no one in the American press gives a fuck. The BBC also reports that George Clooney accuses the US media of labeling him a traitor. Of course nobody here cares about that either, which is fine by me. George, even though I admire your politics, sometimes I wish you'd just look handsome and shut up.

Girls on Film

Today a friend sent me a petition to sign in which I'm supposed to ask Hollywood to include more women in their movies, their stories, etc. Boy, I've been hearing this complaint for as long as I can remember and what has been done about it? Charlize Theron uglifies herself in Monster and becomes a coal miner in North Country. I think that what the petition is really saying is that women want to see stories not only about gorgeous, subtly surgically enhanced women in their twenties, but also about more mature women, and women who don't look like inflatable dolls or kabuki masks or who have so much collagen on their lips they are starting to look like Amanda Lepore. But something about the "sisterhood" nature of the petition bothered me. Yes, I agree there should be more women directors, screenwriters and better roles for women of all ages, as long as that doesn't translate to chick flix or new agey sisterhood stuff, which I can't abide. I hate the notion of stories for women. If a story is good, it doesn't matter if it is about a woman or written by a woman or a man. I don't think there should be special genres for women. They are a disservice to our gender, because they tend to be formulaic. Every time Hollywood comes up with their notion of what a film for women is like, we get inane "romantic" clunkers with Diane Lane about dogs and/or Florence, both of which I'm not in love with.
Fargo, a movie that has one of the best female roles ever, was written by the Coen Brothers. In The 40 Year-Old Virgin, the best romantic comedy in a long time, the woman who plays the romantic interest is the interesting, older, more normal looking Catherine Keener. The movie was written and directed by a guy. I love the idea of more women directors, more women screenwriters, better roles for women. I just don't like the idea of petitioning for it, as if Hollywood needs to fill a politically correct quota. Hopefully, they will pay attention to good stories or concepts or movies directed by women, because of their merit and skill, not because it is pc to do it.
Still, this organization for women in the arts has a very useful list of organizations which provide grants for women artists in a broad range of disciplines. That should be more helpful.

Red Alert: Bond Fans Unhappy With Daniel Craig!

They are threatening to boycott the film. Run for your lives!
I got nothing against the very dapper Pierce Brosnan, but anybody who fails to see the dark, steely, juicy sexiness of Daniel Craig is a moron. They obviously haven't seen him in the powerful little film The Mother where he plays a housepainter who has an affair with the mistress of the house and with her sagging mom. Mr. Craig appears in some sex scenes in all his naked glory which is enough reason to adore him forever (and he's a damn fine actor too).
He's also excellent in the underrated Enduring Love, a chilling film that no one saw based on the novel by Ian McEwan.
He played Ted Hughes in the completely unnecessary biopic Sylvia about the insufferable, Sylvia Plath played by the increasingly intolerable Gwyneth Paltrow.
He was fabulous as a gangster in Layer Cake, one of those new British films a la Guy Ritchie that try to outviolence our violence.
He was underused in Munich but it was nice to see him wearing dramatic sideburns and very tight bellbottoms.
So what if he's short and has big ears. It's what's between the ears and what's between the top of his head to the floor that counts. Obviously Bond fans, who must have been asleep the last two years because the replacement was announced eons ago, have no clue of what makes a man suitable to play a spy in the house of love.
This is a transparent attempt by the Bond publicity department to drum up interest in a franchise that should have been mercykilled years ago. In fact, when I heard the news of Mr. Craig becoming Bond, I was crestfallen, because so far he had been doing interesting characters in interesting movies. But I was happy for him because he's gonna be rich. Sell-out.

The Scariest Guys In The Room

Man, yesterday I saw Enron: The Smartest Guys in The Room and I went to bed in such a state of outrage and anxiety that I had nightmares about Enron all night long. Yes or no: when people tell you their dreams it's always a WTF moment. You go: why exactly are you telling me this? Then you wonder if they are not certifiably insane.
Well, I had fabulous Technicolor nightmares about being trapped in an Enron compound in California. In short, a rollercoaster ride of angst triggered by one of the most abhorrent corporate crimes of all time.
I'm not surprised the documentary got an Academy Award nomination. Californians are probably still trying to get back at Enron for what it did to them, for which Ken Lay and Skilling should be slowly grilled, skewered on a spit over a huge bonfire. Not to mention the traders who were joking about the misfortunes they were creating for millions of people with the dispassion and cruelty that SS stormtroopers displayed in their brutal dealings with inferior races. What blows the mind is the acceptance of a corporate culture of such cutthroat competitiveness and unchecked greed, of absolutely no sense of human empathy or moral obligation. If you have bosses that nurture and foster such an environment, it's not surprising that people will turn into vipers, rats and vultures. They are given carte blanche by the bosses themselves. Which is why the defense that Lay and Skilling did not know what was happening is unacceptable. They created that monster and they should be made accountable. They not only gave permission to rape and plunder, they encouraged it. They both deserve unending punishment and shame.
As Sherron Watkins, the woman who blew the whistle at Ken Lay, says in the film, Enron is not an isolated incident. It is the messiest, but not by any means the only one. This is capitalism run rampant, (which is how that moron in the White House and ex best friend of Ken Lay wants it to be) and it is extremely frightening.
It happens in all kinds of companies: gross mismanagement by obscenely paid executives who are just looking to cash out and who are royally oblivious to the fate of their employees and the lives of hard work and dignity they destroy with their arrogance and their incompetence. CEO's and Who The Fuck's who are absurdly overcompensated, masters at bullshitting their way around but not much else, while their employees do all the grunt work and struggle with the bills. And then, when the shit hits the fan, workers are let go, entire groups of people demoralized if not worse, the solid reputation of a company destroyed, while these assholes are still cashing their salaries and no one holds them accountable for anything.
A feeling of revulsion in the pit of the stomach.

No Wonder Nobody Watches The Oscars Anymore

Well, they have been announced and they're kinda lame... I'm offended by the fact that they couldn't even get two glamorous past winners to announce the nominations. Yet I suspect it is a weakness of mine, that as much as the Oscars frustrate me, I feel the compulsion to speculate talmudically about them.
It looks like this year is gay year, just like last year was black year.
Who the hell are the voters? Why do I get the feeling they are all 75 years old and look like the old leatherfaced lady in There's Something About Mary?
Male actor:
Goody good for Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Terence Howard. Good for David Strathairn, but instead of Heath Ledger I would have given the nod to Viggo Mortensen in A History of Violence or to Tommy Lee Jones for his work in his own movie, The 3 Burials of Melquiades Estrada. I'm rooting for Joaquin although most likely the prize will and should go to Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Female Actress:
Maria Bello should have been nominated instead of Keira Knightley in Pride and Prejudice, which is a bullshit nomination; the New Pretty Young Thing Award. I didn't see North Country but Charlize Theron's and Judi Dench's nominations bore me. Enough with Judi Dench. We all know she's fantastic. Let's move on. So it's between Felicity Huffman for Transamerica (the Academy loves physical transformations, retards and/or drunks) but I'd bet it's going to Reese's Pieces, and if so, good for her. Unless it's really gay year and we have a Capote/Transamerica combo in the acting prizes.
Male Supporting:
As much as I have the biggest crush on Jake Gyllenhaal, and he was quite good as the other gay guy, I'm not sure his performance was that great. I'd rather see his brother in law Peter Sarsgaard get it for either Jarhead or The Dying Gaul. Or for Kinsey last year or just for breathing. Matt Dillon was great in Crash and deserves his nomination. I'm very happy that George Clooney got the nod for his worldweary CIA agent in Syriana. I'm rooting for him. I love Paul Giamatti, but I hate consolation prizes. And I thought William Hurt was way over the top in A History of Violence. Jeff Daniels deserved it more for his scary, dead-on portayal of a humongous egomaniac intellectual in the Squid and the Whale.
Female Supporting:
I didn't see Junebug but good luck to Amy Adams. The rest of the bunch is quite solid. Michelle Williams was amazing in Brokeback, but if I was her I'd be afraid to win. Supporting actress prizes tend to be jinxed for newcomers (Mira Sorvino, Louise Fletcher, Marisa Tomei -- you tell me). But then, she's married to Heath Ledger so she can't have it all. Frances McDormand always rules, Catherine Keener was lovely in Capote and Rachel Weisz was quite good in The Constant Gardener, so this is a pretty even field. Rooting for Michelle.
Original screenplay:
The Academy managed to include some of the most obnoxious movies, in my view, of the year: three of them bogus to the core: Crash by Paul Haggis, an interesting premise that quickly turns to ridiculous schmaltz, the dreadful Match Point and the pretentious, incoherent Syriana. The Squid and the Whale is very well written, but too smarmy for my taste. So the bald man should go to the only one that deserves the honor: Good Night and Good Luck.
Screenplay adaptations:
I agree with A History of Violence. Night in Gay Mountain is probably going to win, Capote is very respectable and if it wins, I will be happy for Dan Futterman, on whom I've always had a crush, and Munich is a mishmash of kosher and halal and by no means a better screenplay than King Kong. I didn't like The Constant Gardener. Rooting for Violence, which won't get it.
Cinematography:
I'm overjoyed that both Rodrigo Prieto (Gay Marlboro Country) and Emanuel Lubeski (The New World) have been honored. It's not only a matter of sheer nationalistic pride (both are from Mexico) but they both kick major cinematographic ass. I wish them luck.
Song and Dance:
Nobody has listened to us about killing the best song ordeal, but at least we're down to three instead of five. Rooting for Miss Dolly Parton (yeah!).
As per music, two John Williams nominations are two too many. He's the Judi Dench of the music category.
I'm surprised Syriana didn't get one, with taut, cool music by Alexandre Desplat, who is my favorite "new" film composer (loved his music for Birth and The Beat my Heart Skipped). Rooting for Gustavo Santaolalla.
Alien Movies:
Where is Cache, where is La Niña Santa, The Beat my Heart Skipped, Downfall, Look at Me or some of the Korean films I didn't see but got great reviews this year? The foreign film nominations are a joke. The Academy needs to revise the stupid rules for eligibility because the movies considered are officially chosen by bureaucrats, and therefore they are mostly toothless, politically correct choices. So I'm rooting for the Palestinian movie even if I haven't seen it yet.
Cartoons:
I'm elated that the voters had the good taste to pick three very strong, unusual contenders instead of the usual pixarish commercial crap. Miyazaki's Howl's Moving Castle, Corpse Bride by Tim Burton and the probable winner, Wallace and Gromit.
Documentary:
The Penguins are going to be the smartest guys in the room.
Director:
It goes to show that really, movies weren't great this year. None of these guys have real autorial panache, except for Spielberg (whether he gets on your nerves or not). Meanwhile, two of the directors with a surplus of autorial panache, David Cronenberg and Peter Jackson, were left out. So was Tommy Lee Jones, who did a pretty good job with Melquiades. And so was James Mangold, who did a fine piece of directing the very conventional material of Walk the Line.
The acting in Crash was great but the rest was not. Capote is a fine opera prima, but no great shakes, and Munich is more of the best and a little less of the worst of Steven Spielberg. George Clooney has proven that he is an intelligent, subtle filmmaker and if he wins, goody, but it looks like Ang Lee will be the man for his sensitive touch. Rooting for Clooney.
Movie:
Is Munich better than King Kong? No. Is it better than a History of Violence? No. Is Gay Cowboys that great? Not really. Are any of the five nominees better than The 40 Year Old Virgin? Um, maybe only Good Night and Good Luck. Is life fair? _______.
Achievement in Sound Mixing:
Just kidding.