There isn't any because I screwed up my TV. It's a long story. I don't have cable either. So I didn't watch them. Now, with twitter and all that live blogging, you don't have to see the shows to know what's happening. It's even more fun (if you go to the right live blogging sites with literate people and not just people who scream OMG! LMAO!).
I will give you a recap anyway.
1. The British elephant in the room; namely, Mr. Gervais: You hired him, you stick by your decision, you stupid foreign press fucks. I saw the opening monologue today on the internet. I thought it was funny. However, as the evening progressed it got more mean spirited and rather acrid. Actors, like my beloved RDJ, fought back.
As many others have pointed out, if you want Tinkerbell to host the show, don't hire Ricky Gervais. And if you do, don't backtrack like a sissy. Own it.
2. Gervais was at least funnier than Robert De Niro. Next time hire someone funny to write your shtick, Bob. US Latinos, constitutionally impervious to irony, were promptly saying he was being racist. Dudes, you have to stop watching the novelas and the sleazy talk shows and sharpen your sense of humor. He wasn't funny, or relevant, but he was not being a racist.
3. I don't care who won or who lost, because it's going to happen 25 times again between now and the Oscars. But I'm glad for Paul Giamatti. And glad for the music of The Social Network. But not particularly glad for The Social Network. So now it's time to thank Mark Zuckerberg, the man you made look like a total douche, since you are on the road to Oscar, huh? Collecting good will and Brownie Points? Sorkin and Fincher, I'm talking to you. Own it.
4. I love what Tilda Swinton wore. That dame has class. She didn't look like a mermaid, upholstery at the Munsters mansion or Jessica Rabbit, like everybody else. She looked elegant and original and she must be commended.
And that's my recap.