May 1, 2010

Movie Trailer Nightmares

I went to see Please Give today (quite enjoyable but a little disappointing) and I was terrified by the following trailers:
• Julia Roberts in the film version of Eat Pray Love. She sounds and looks as pinched and as self-centered and insufferable as the narrator in the book. Julia Roberts lately really looks like she won't have a good time. I understand her character is a pill, but even horrible characters in dire situations can impart a sense of fun about what they are doing (watch Amanda Peet in Please Give). That trailer needs some Julia Roberts smile wattage, if she can still muster it.
There are 2 things that may make the film slightly less nauseating than the book, which should be called Eat Pray Barf. One is the cinematography. The woman was in Italy, India and Bali and as I watched the gorgeous colors and images of the trailer, I realized that the book is totally colorless and she might as well have spent her entire crisis in a Home Depot. But that's because all she was watching was her navel. 

The second thing, and I audibly gasped when it appeared on screen, is Javier Bardem.
Javier effing Bardem plays the Brazilian (older guy in the book) that changes her life and leads her to write a sequel about her bliss. To the detriment of all, except her bank account.
Javier Bardem is one man whose presence makes me quiver. In this case, I'm very concerned for him because no Julia Roberts, and much less, that woman from that awful book deserves the likes of him. I just don't want Hollywood to turn him into an up to date version of Ricardo Montalbán. Bet he's crying all the way to the bank, my gorgeous hunk of Jamón Ibérico de Bellota. Yum. 

• The trailer for Sex and the City 2.  These four women are starting to look like piñatas to me. They are desperately overdressed, over made up and in the case of SJP oversurgically elongated. And they are supposed to go on vacation in Dubai? For fun? Or because Dubai paid for product placement? Somehow it doesn't sound to me like it's the capital of fun and games. But I only intend to watch this film if it is free on a plane.

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